Friday, 20 May 2011


So I've been slack at writing, but we were on holidays. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. I'm part way through my entry for this week's Flash Fiction challenge from Chuck Wendig, but I got derailled by yesterday's post by him, where he was asking for a recipe for Unicorn Nipple Cookies.


This is from the Eldritch edition of Cooking Light Magazine. It's out of print these days, but you can sometimes scrounge up a copy in used specialist bookshops.

Unicorn Nipple Biscuits

1 cup of elf tears
3 tablespoons of ground sassafras root
4 cups of flour
2 griffin eggs
Stick of butter
Pixie dust
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1/2 cup of white sugar
2 teaspoons of honey
2 cups of mermaid's milk

The night before, soak the ground sassafras root in the elf tears. You only really need enough tears to cover the sassafras, but let’s be honest, it’s so much fun procuring them that it doesn't hurt to be extravagant in your measurements here.

The next morning, preheat your oven to the 3rd Circle - that's Gluttony for those of you still on the old Infernal scale.
Strain out the sassafras (pro tip: the elven tears can still be used to scour your hydra) and set aside.
Separate the egg whites and the yolks. The unneeded griffin yolks can be used in the summoning of a succubus to clean the kitchen afterwards.
Place the whites in a large bowl, and belabour your imp until he has beaten them to a smooth consistency, while you slowly add the white sugar.
When the mixture begins forming peaks add the sassafras.
In a separate bowl cream the butter and brown sugar.
Add two cups of flour, and 1 cup of mermaid's milk, and mix.
Smooth the surface and then inscribe the Sigil of Falgan upon it with honey.
Add the remainder of the flour, and more milk if needed.
Mix the dough thoroughly.  Place it on a baking tray in bite-sized portions.
Smother it in the egg white mixture, sprinkling a pinch of pixie dust on each one.
After chanting Drison’s incantation pop them into the oven for twenty minutes.

Garnish with an iridescent scale from a lesser bronze dragon when cool.


Now back to some more creative writing, there's a slim chance I'll get my Flash Fiction done before I get distracted by his next post

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