Full house

Since I’m new to Julia’s Place and the 100 Word Challenges, I figured what better way to introduce myself than by doing this week’s challenge (of critiquing someone’s story from last week) than by writing about everyone’s story. It helps that I love the sound of my own voice - or should that be the gentle patter of my fingers on the keys - and I’m full of boundless optimism. It’s a slow week at work too, so plenty of typing time. 

Rather than critiques that can be taken to heart and cause anguish, these are more uplifting nice comments, either about the piece itself, or what it lead my train of thoughts to. If I’ve only tangentially touched on an entry it isn’t a case of “If you can’t say anything nice say nothing at all,” more that that piece got my mind going on a different topic. 

Too saccharine, overly gushy and a one-eyed one-man cheer-squad? Quite likely guilty as charged but I figure we all need more happiness and support in our life. Due to the naming, I’m still not sure if it’s meant to be 100 words or less, or exactly 100 words, so I went with the latter to be on the safe side and each one is 100 words on the dot. Don’t feel obliged to wade through the whole shebang though. If you haven't read that story yet, click on the title and it should take you to it.

This was a fun exercise and gave me something to shoot for before heading off to the in-laws for Tết, where I’ll try to distract myself from the lack of internet connectivity by pitting hypothermia against insobriety. 

 

*****

Acceptance Speech

It rings true for me, I can remember being in a nativity play as one of the three other kings (we had a big class, I wasn’t one of the wise kings, I was more along the lines of Curly from the Three Stooges). I tripped on my robe, and a button fell off, and I remember wagging my finger at it and telling it off rather loudly while an angel was supposed to be centre stage declaiming. The stage doesn’t call to me though, I have a good face for radio, but the voice of a silent movie actor.

*****
Blockbuster

A damn fine piece of writing! Like pretty much all the commenters on his page said, it definitely reads like a movie blurb... but we mean that in the best way possible. Nailed the format, good choice of wording, and the potted summary suits the 100 words we are allowed changing it from a limitation to something  that just feels right. The choice of actors makes it interesting too, maybe an older movie of his that went straight to video, or maybe they’ve kissed and made up and are cashing in on the punters counting on sparks flying once more.

*****

It Falls

Generally, poetry doesn’t do it for me, but I was really impressed by the extra effort (or maybe creativity is a better word to use for It Falls. I do like alliteration though, but I agree that when the seeding idea is so similar (all those A’s!), its going over the top doing too much, and it’ll cause it to grate on the ear. The swap from bird to plane was a nice touch and make you think differently about it right at the end. The five words are slotted in to the poem well, without feeling shoehorned or forced.

*****
Aquamarine

Planes in the first paragraph, yet whisked away by magic in the end - but done deliciously without a whiff of deus ex machina. Instead, it draws the reader in along with all that such a combination implies. The poise of the heroine makes her a very strong lead (and in such few words too) especially when the blokey bloke (maybe a servant, as he is the only one devoid of a title) thought he was taking her under her wing for protection. This is one where I definitely want to read more, it is a very enticing short story.

*****

Survivor

This is one of those pieces where less is more. The first few days penned by our chronicler were probably hectic. The next fortnight or so are likely unpleasant for those of us that don’t like horror. Skimming the comments everyone is complimenting the writing, saying how the implied actions he has carried out are creepy and unsettling but I can’t help thinking... in the the previous story, we had a strong female lead, and there’s the only pronoun the scribe uses is I... what if it’s a lady that’s doing the deeds, does that make it even more disturbing?

*****
Agatha

Wow, I wasn’t expecting the ending there. I must admit I’m a sucker for a happily ever after (and why the hell not? I’m living one right now and intend to for the rest of my life!) and so I’m glad there’s relief mixed in with her tears. I like the extra sartorial detail, it adds to the story. The first line is really powerful, sucking you into the action right away. The seed words are used early on in the piece, allowing more freedom with word choices towards the powerful ending. Green highlighting should be aquamarine though, I reckon.

*****
An Unplanned Descent

We are jolted out of a nice peaceful start by a serious (but only small) problem. At first I was thinking of doing something similar, but with the plane splattering over the landscape - I’m glad I didn’t as this is much more powerful as it’s grounded in reality. It’s also refreshing to hear that the pilot got lauded for saving everyone - rather than lambasted and dragged over the coals in a  multi-party law suit for technical difficulty as may well be the case today. Harking back to Blockbuster, I wonder if Tom Cruise would take this role too?

*****

Cocktails

Modesty prevents me from flapping my gums about this entry. It's OK, I already know how awesome I am.

*****
Weight a Minute

I’m metric so 175 pounds sounded like a lot until I converted it... merely 80kg. But even then I’ve only got a hazy grasp of weight as I’m a bloke so naturally oblivious. But I can hear my wife’s plaintive cries, especially as she’s entering her third trimester and is skyrocketing. It isn’t the batteries fault, nor the scales fault, but my fault. I love the way the internal voice keeps on ratcheting up the equivalent size to get something more appropriate. But you know what, I don’t really think aquamarine was your colour, I think turquoise is more you.

*****
Dangerous Creature

I love the additional “photoshopping” done to the picture, it really adds to it. I especially like the two-tone tail - it makes it looks like it’s snapped off and grown back a few times  making me think that it’s been in a few scraps before and is an experienced brawler. I agree with the commenters, acting inappropriately is a fantastic word choice. I also like lizard-like and can only hope that It Came From Outer Space... dun Dun DUN! There’s probably a more mundane explanation of where it is from. But I can still hope. Keep watching the stars!

*****
Translation Issues

Nicely done poking fun at language! It is interesting seeing teaching jobs advertised over here in Vietnam when they’re looking for Native English Speakers. There’s no anti-discrimination laws of any sort over here, so they can specify all sorts of things they’d get sued into oblivion back home. Because I look the part, they’d rather my slang-stained Aussie accent over obviously more qualified and competent teachers simply due to their nationality, irregardless of their linguistic ability. It drives us wild especially when our own company does it and should know better, we’re trying to change their thinking from the inside.

*****
Departure Gate

The descriptive clothing is a great start, and sounds like something I’d wear too (though my wife has hidden a lot of my more striking pieces - taking a leaf from my mother’s play-book as she burned a heap of my fathers clothes when they married). I agree with what some other people said, it flows on nicely from my entry too. I’m also pleased that her imperious attitude wasn’t enough to bring back the plane. It’s good when even minor villains get their comeuppance. Cleaning the planes with a toothbrush was a nice, pouty touch to the temper tantrum.

*****
The Celebrity

After the last diva spat in Departure Gate it is good to see someone more interested on mending fences at the end of the flight. Though depending on the size and breed of the dog, making amends might not be too effective - yes for something cute but maybe not as popular with a Great Dane. Traveling with animals can often be tricky, we did a five hour bike trip once with a couple of live chickens lashed to the back in a wicker cage due to their breed being especially tender and juicy but I couldn’t taste the difference.

*****
Life in Hollywood: Advertising

I like Aeroplane Jelly, Aeroplane Jelly for me! Being overseas for an extended period, the main thing I miss is food. My parents visit once a year, I’ve been back a couple of times, and friends are still an email or IM away, just like when I was out bush. But food, ahh... food. That is a completely different kettle of fish! Especially when some essential ingredients or tools are scarce here. Every time I go home it is with a long list of food I either want my mother to cook for me or dishes to order and enjoy.

*****

Mile High Meltdown

A prime example of write what you know. I’m thinking if it’d been me then physical violence, not words, would have been my response to snooty cow. Yes, it sucks for other passengers when there is a cantankerous kid on the flight, but it has to be much worse for the parents when everything they try fails to have any effect and they have to deal with snide comments and accusatory glares while still trying to pacify their kid and put out the fires. I’m glad that in the end she fell asleep, and gave you some much needed respite.

*****
The Aftermath...

Nicely done, it expressed sadness and humour tinged with love. It must be difficult for people whose loved ones go through such changes on so many levels. I especially liked the sausages, but in person hearing the description of the milk would have me guffawing with laughter, making it tricky to explain away any chagrin. I occasionally get flashes of similar situations since my kids are largely ESL... “Can you spell redacted?” “uhh... care to put that in a sentence? … Oh, you mean peanuts. An elephant likes eating peanuts! You weren’t saying the male appendage for procreation after all.”

*****

Swim or Die

 
I loved this entry, as it has the feel to me of some hard science-fiction a la Robert Heinlein even though there’s nary a spaceship in sight. I like the way she’s taken the word marine in aquamarine and run with it, it gives her story a different direction. With planning like this though, I’m wondering just how seasoned the grizzled veterans are. I have to thank Buddhafulkat for showing me Julia’s Place and introducing me to these fun challenges. She’s a fan of the hundred word format, and is going to be cranking out lots more of her own.

*****
The Perpetrator

Excellent cold descriptive imagery in this one that give me chills of fear down my spine. I definitely love the way the eyes have been singled out for attention. This is not someone with whom I’d like to cross paths - at least at the moment. Maybe normally she’s sweet and kind and was driven to to something completely out of character, but still I’d prefer to keep my distance. I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the about me blurb - there’s an awful lot us teachers participating in these hundred word challenges! I wish my class had the ability.

*****

 
All The A’s

This is a good example of alliteration focusing on one letter done well.  A task that is easier said than done. I hope that her sense of excitement and happiness remains - that she uses her new found magical powers for good, not evil. I first misread it as Andy acting unphased about it, but I’m sure that given a demonstration he’d be a wide-eyed convert. The choice of anklet instead of the more usual magic ring was a good touch. I wonder how she worked out that the anklet was magic, since the place of purchase was so mundane.

*****
Its Not Lupus!

A unique take on the prompts that is most effective. The reader ends up full of sympathy and can feel the annoyance caused by the quacks poking and prodding. Hopefully it all gets sorted soon without medical textbooks devoting a chapter to her in the future as they discuss her rare case. After the banter with the comments, I took a liberty to title the piece rather than name it after the blog - but due to the vagaries of TV programming over here, I’m unfamiliar with it - but it sounds like a running gag (something that everyone enjoys).
*****
How I Met My Husband

I love it! Another one based on fact, with a fairy-tale happily ever after ending. Such serendipitous   stories are fantastic stories for the retelling to loved ones. The author’s unsureness at the beginning is completely understandable, as the wonderous  buoyancy property of the waters of the Dead Sea fly in the face of what you’re used to. The seed words are fitted into the story seamlessly. It is nice that such a kind, simple gesture lead to something amazing, and sets a good example for all of us to improve our interactions with others... who knows where it may lead?

*****

The Glider

Vibrant and lyrical in the description, you can feel the pilot’s exultation and enjoyment in their hobby. It seemed tempting until things began going wrong - but luckily there’s the option of restarting or reloading... if only Real Life had that, too. We have  definitely come along way graphics-wise since games like Pong and Asteroids. But even with all raw power in video cards and processing power maybe the graphics in text based adventures like Zork are still better - how could mere polygons and pixels render something more impressive than the grue you conjure up yourself? Imagination trumps CGI.

*****
The A Challenge

 
These sort of stories are always fun to read to my students, particularly when introduced as “we’ll just have a quick story then go on excursion/to PE/our computer class/early play time” and watch the ripple of understanding spread out amongst them. The starting scene captures the weather in the doldrums very well sticky and unpleasant - that’s part of what makes the water so much more appealing. I hope after they go round and round a few times they manage to get to the bottom of what actually did happen, which I hope is nothing too serious.

*****
The Monster from the Deep

First thing I saw that blew me away was the professional banner. Wow, it looks great, and makes me want to have a rummage in your back catalogue of posts to find some gems. I know people say don’t judge a book by a cover, but we almost always do. Horror isn’t really my cup of tea though, so I might have to click away quickly, but it does draw me in. The mist from the lake is a great touch - one I thought was poetic license until this year when my new route to work wended past one.

*****

Autumn’s Auction Shocker

Having a troublesome kid can be difficult at any age, and bankrolling their exploits with cherished family heirlooms adds an extra level most people don’t have to deal with. Surely desecrating a burger bar by turning it into a vegetarian joint would be enough mischief? If someone I loved did that, I’d be furious (but then again I’m a raging carnivore and have jammed a wide range of animals into my slavering maw than just about anyone I know - missing out on cat recently since this is still the Year of the Cat so chowing down would be unlucky).

*****
Be Careful What You Wish For

It’s a commonly enough expressed wish, not to croak in a nursing home. I’m sure Jane is a competent pilot but nature and events conspired against them making what would normally be a a harmless flight of fancy (both verbally and physically). Of the options of strange places to die, I’ve heard “someone else’s bed” the most often. I like where this story is going if there is a chance for them to be dragged into some sort of urban-fantasy slash magical crossover as that waterspout was rather sudden in its appearance. Not so interested If they die horribly, though.

*****
The Letter

This one flew over my head at first, being new to Julia’s Place. But I figured it was something of an in-joke, so after a bit of sleuthing I put together enough clues to at least grok some of the edges. I like the tongue-in-cheek attitude of this piece, and would suggest that the appropriate response would be to get yourself elected in his stead, ousting him from his seat. I’m certain you could do a better job, though you may not enjoy it much. But think of all the good you could do, all the wrongs you could right!

*****

 
Blue Engagement

I like that the swain knew his best beloved well enough to forego the more popular diamond for an aquamarine. Engagement rings aren’t really done here, as you need family permission first, so we did the wedding ring shopping first, and then later I went to a jewellery shop I like and had one made: They melted down my One Ring (the Lord of the Rings Ring) and took my opal out of my custom Quake necklace and bunged on a few small diamonds. My wife doesn’t like wearing it much, but she loves the thought I put into it.

*****
Drowning

A fateful end full to an adventure that started out with altruistic good-will. Without the calming influence of his twin, I hope Karl doesn’t further self-destruct. Maybe this tragedy will bring them closer together whereas the accident seems to be forcing them apart. It is touching to see such a caring sister drop everything instantly to hurtle to their aid. I feel sorry for all of them, and wish that things could turn out for the better. Personalised sadness like this is effective writing - there would be other people on the plane, but their untold stories move us less.

*****

And that's a wrap! Much obliged if you read all the way to the bottom. A Happy Tết to you, Chúc Mừng Năm Mới! 

Under a Mackerel Sky

Yet more finishing old stuff that I started but didn’t complete. I’m gradually getting their numbers down. I decided that I was going to start all projects in and Unfinished pieces folder and only move them after I've finished them. That way they gang up and glare at me balefully. So instead of skipping merrily off with a new project, I need to slink off shamefacedly, suffering the accusing stares of things that need just a few hundred more words, or a couple more paragraphs.

This challenge was was go to an online dictionary and pick a word or phrase you liked. I chose Mackerel Sky, thinking back of a photo of mine (which it seems I have lost due to my erratic system of backups... damn). My picture wasn’t exactly a mackerel sky - but a rainbow effect in the clouds that I’ve seen twice in Vietnam... without an overly abnormal amount of booze in my system.

To give you an idea of what a mackerel sky looks like here you go:

Obviously not my picture. Tho says I am a rank amateur with a camera. Picture taken from here

Under a Mackerel Sky

Old Man Johnson looked to the horizon. “Gonna be a damn fine sunset,” he said, and spat. The gobbet of tobacco and phlegm spattered on the wooden boards, causing him to smile. Lukey grabbed a twig, and started poking it - and that made him smile. Being only seven, Lukey was easily amused. He could find endless entertainment in this activity, at least until dragged away. Rita let him have his fun for the time being. The moment he began reaching out an inquisitive finger, she grabbed him by the shoulder and took him in back to “help” her get a top-up for the old-timer. When they returned, the stick and the sputum were forgotten. Old Man Johnson smacked his gummy lips appreciatively. As his rheumy eyes swung back to the clouds, the mug made frequent trips to his mouth, barely causing a pause in his rambling monologue. Rita, too, returned to what she had been doing - peeling potatoes. There were always potatoes to be peeled, and the repetitive action went well with the mindless background noise of Old Man Johnson’s slurps and mutters. “Keep where I can see you,” she said to Lukey. But just as she was only barely aware of her customers’ conversation, so too was the boy’s focus elsewhere.

Lukey loved the bar at this time of day - the lengthening shadows and random piles of scrap were adequate fuel for all sorts of adventures to his fertile imagination. Currently, he was hopping excitedly from stone to stone in the garden, tracking an early cricket that had started tuning up before the performance of the evening’s symphony. In his mind, he was stealthy - like a ninja creeping towards an unsuspecting target. His footsteps were hardly silent, and even if they were, his giggles would have given him away. Before long though his noble opponent had conquered his attention span. Here, by one of the paving stones, was the last wildflower of the season, small and blue but so easy to overlook. Reaching out, he plucked it from the stem carefully, to give to Rita later.

“Git yerself up here boy! Quick now, afore it goes!” yelled Old Man Johnson from the porch. Turning, Lukey ran, hopping and jiggering up their stairs on alternate legs his arms pin-wheeling for balance. Patting the stool next to him, Old Man Johnson had ceased his continuous ruminations to look up at the clouds. Lukey sat down, eyes nearly as wide as his open mouth. “That’s what I’m talking about boy. You remember that sort of beauty for the rest of your life. It’ll get you through some scrapes and scares that will.”


The heavy folder of the Antwerp account thunked into Lucas’s desk, derailing his happy daydreaming. “Report due Thursday,” his supervisor sneered, walking off. Shaking himself from the heady combination of nostalgia infused with daydreaming, Lucas tried to bring himself back to the world of spreadsheets, cubicles and grey dividers. Dragging some printouts towards him he reached for a pencil and tried to focus. He swivelled morosely on his chair, looking to exorcise joyful thoughts with numbers and order forms, before realising that he had things back-to-front. “After work I’m going to go visit Old Man Johnson,” he muttered to himself “and I’m going to walk in the park afterwards!” The guys across the walkway from him looked up at the sound of his voice but Lucas just smiled, happy with his new direction in life.

Cocktails

A list of five “A” words, with 100 words extra to flash out a story. This weeks 100 word challenge. At first I was thinking of doing a crash, but screw that, let’s extend our stay on a tropical isle! And just to get you in the mood if its winter in your neck of the woods, here’s a picture:

Picture source here

Cocktails

Ahhh...  beaches. What could be better? A hammock, cocktails, and a limitless aquamarine ocean. Serenity at its best. So what if the aeroplane leaves soon? We still have plenty of time! After another drink or two, we can think about heading back to the hotel and packing up.

As always, two drinks turned into more. Suddenly aghast, we’re late! A scene (cause by all the cocktails) at the reception desk of the hotel and an altercation with the taxi driver slow us even more. Yet at the gate when we’re told “I am sorry ladies, your plane has already departed,” you acted shocked!